What does 'men make houses, women make homes' mean in modern time?

     

Since I’ve been recentlydiscussing this topic with some of myfriendsbetween 25 and35 years old, I'vegained some interesting insights.

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“My mom oftentold me this when I was a kid to emphasise the importance of knowing how to vì chưng house chores và how it canpotentially help me build a happy family for myself in the future,” Mai Dang, 26, told me.

“I used to lớn buy it, until I got older và became an independent woman. I now believe that women can vị more than just 'makea home'”, she said.

I understoodMai completelysince my mom hasraised me in a similar way.The age gap betweenmy mom & me is about 40 years. Considering the social role of women in a male-dominated culture many years ago, I very much understood why my mom swore by this perception & passed it on to me.

“During our moms’ era, women didn’t have many opportunities to thrive socially,” Mai said.

To be honest, I’ve always felt pressureabout being familiar withhouse chores becauseI’mextroverted andlove to lớn hang out with friends & do stuffthat boys of my age do.

By doing “girly” housework, I have a concern that I might be deemed “less” than my partner, and I don’t want that to happen.

“Women have taken on more important social roles now,so I believe many of them have the same concern as you. Even I do!” Dung Nguyen, who is seven years older than me, said.

“The saying'men make houses, women make homes'is not exactly out of date as it still makes sense in certain ways. However, with many men now making a home, I believe the younger generation shouldn’t take this statement as seriously as the older generation did,” she said.

I don’t havemale friends that stay at trang chủ 100 per cent of the time, so I’m glad that Dung could offer me some insights.

“I have an older friend thathas stayed at home and takencare of his family for more thanfive years,” she said.“Due khổng lồ an unfortunate layoff, he lost his job and started khổng lồ invest more time in his family. He told me that although he felt uncomfortable at first, he was glad hemarried a successful woman whois very supportive of every move he makes inhis life."

I’m not sure about anywhere else, but in bossvietnam.vnese culture, particularly the version that I grew up with, my brother & cousins were taught lớn become breadwinners of their family.

“My friend said that abstaining from the breadwinner role offers him an opportunity to lớn redefine manhood for himself,” Dung said, adding that it’s very modern and positive of her friend to lớn think of the situation in that light.

“Most of my male friends, especially ones fromnorthernbossvietnam.vn, inherit amindset that a successful career is what best defines masculinity & secures their power, & that they would never trade anything for their career,” Mai said.

“However, in this modern world, there ismore than just a career that makes up the identity of a manand especially a happy family,” said Mai.

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And Icouldn’t agree more.As a matter of fact, though usually placed ata “higher” level compared to lớn women, from what I’ve seen from my male relatives, they always feel under pressure to live up lớn whatAsian culture expects them to do.

“Sometimes, I would love khổng lồ 'resign'from my breadwinner role for a few days & just chill,” one of my older relatives said.

“Since we both (my relative và his wife) didn’t come from a wealthy background, I feel like it’s my responsibility to provide the best for my family financially, and sometimes it’s exhausting,” he said.

I also hadthis discussion with another friend of mine, Anh Tuan, 31, who hasn’t married yet.

“I willnever stop working and just 'make a home'. It may sound selfish but I don’t like the idea of stay-at-home dads. I’m not sure whether this perception willchange as Iwill marryin the future, but for now, waking up every day, I’m eager khổng lồ climb the ladder of success,” Tuan said.

“My job makes me feel worthy and gives me a sense of social inclusion,” he said.

I understood where his idea comesfrom and it’s not selfish at all for a person to strive for career success, considering that it’s his choice of living & it motivates him to lớn live meaningfully every day.

From my experience, we all live khổng lồ fulfill the purpose that we have set for ourselves, though it could be socially constructed like the saying “men make houses, women make homes”.

My friends và I all agreethat we’re living in a modern society in which everything should be shared equally, whether it’s making a “house” or a “home”.

“Instead of strictly determining roles based on gender, it’s healthier for both partners to lớn experience different aspects of life and contribute their unique experiences lớn building a family,” Dung said.

“I feel like the concept of making a 'home'and a 'house'has intertwined. Sincerity from both sides is the recipe that really matters,” Mai added.

“I greatly appreciate when my wife offers lớn help me with my job. As we all have experiencein the same field, my wife’s suggestions have saved me many times. Sometimes, I feel bad for my wife for having to quit her job to take care of our two children. I always try to help her with house chores every time Ihavethe time,” my relative said.

Since I’m an independent young woman who hasn’tmarried yet, I think I’m not in a placeto judge whether the saying “men make houses, women make homes” is still relevant today.

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I believe it’s all about choicesand how both parties find abalance in their decision. Balance and equality arekey.